The Princess is Going on Strike - Chapter 20
Chapter 20
“Your Highness.”
I looked up at Estian and spoke in a soft voice.
“Thank you for your words, but would you really have said those same words if you saw my face before actually meeting me?”
“What…..?”
I continued to speak while looking at his bewildered expression.
“If you hadn’t met the person named Aerylle, but heard of their rumors and saw their face first, would you have easily told that person to take off their mask?”
“…..”
Why did I ask him this? It’s not like he did anything wrong.
In fact, Estian had been nothing but kind to me and if I had to ask this question, it should’ve been towards my father, Oledin, not him. But I couldn’t stop myself from venting my frustration.
“People only listen to what they want to hear and judge things based on that. Even if I provided another reason why I wore a mask, you’d only think that I was trying to hide my face because I’m ashamed of looking abhorrent. And even if I did show my face in public, others would only point and laugh or be scared of me. There will be nothing but prejudice. They will only believe what they want. Which is why….”
I bit my lip. I couldn’t continue with what I wanted to say.
Am I crazy? Why am I getting angry at the Crown Prince when he did nothing wrong?
Despite that, I still wanted to ask him the question.
Silence fell. It was then that I realized something. Despite the patch on my face disappearing, I wasn’t reluctant to take off my mask just because of my appearance alone. I didn’t wish to reveal the traces of my rotting heart which were created by my painful memories that were crammed into a box. It was a stain that escaped through my mouth even when I tried to hide it.
I bit my lip again and looked at Estian. He looked at me in silence, turned to Ethan, then back at me without any expression.
Was my sense of deja vu that I felt from him an illusion?
I stood up with a sigh.
“I apologize. I believe I overstepped my boundaries. Please forget about what I said….”
I bowed and quickly left the room. The two men remained unresponsive as I opened the door. I gave them a final glance before quietly walking out the door. I knew that they did nothing wrong, but I felt heavy knowing that I had just used them to relieve my frustrations.
Just how broken am I?
Even if the patch on my face was gone, my surroundings were still the same. A father and family who treated me like a monster, an existence that wasn’t acknowledged by others, and an illegitimate child. There was nothing I could do to change my existence which was nothing short of a sin. I no longer wanted to cling onto the sleeves of others, struggling to be acknowledged, like I tried in the past. I looked up at the moon while walking down the hallway.
“…..Should I leave?”
I wanted to live in a place where no one was around. In peace.
I lowered my head and continued down the hall, heavily moving one step at a time when I heard a voice from behind me.
“Aerylle.”
I turned back and saw golden hair gleaming in the moonlight. It was Ethan Berlstein. It looked as if he had hastily followed behind me.
Is he here to rebuke me in anger for the rude words I said?
Ethan stared at my face without wavering. Our eyes locked and we stayed that way for a while before he opened his mouth to speak.
“Will you call me Ethan?”
“What?”
What is he suddenly talking about….?
“Aerylle. You mentioned how you didn’t need to be addressed as ‘lady’ or by your family name. So I want you to do the same and call me Ethan without using my knightly title or family name.”
“…..”
I wasn’t able to give him a quick response because I was confused about what he meant, so I tilted my head. A subtle smile appeared on Ethan’s stiff face. His eyes shifted back and forth under the sway of the wind in the night sky.
“I wasn’t able to give you an answer because I believed a thoughtless reply would only look down on the importance of the question. But I thought that I would regret it if I sent you back if I left it unanswered, so…..”
He stopped then continued with a smile on his face.
“I will look at you for who you are. So, will you do the same to me as well, Aerylle? I don’t need anything else. Neither family nor appearances. I just…..”
His words faded out as he smiled lightly.
“I simply wish for you to look at me as a person named Ethan.”
* * * * * * *
I came back to my room late that night, laid down in bed, and stared blankly at the ceiling. The dark ceiling reminded me of the night sky. I closed my eyes as my ears rang in my head, then opened them again once my surroundings calmed down. It was then when I was able to accept what had happened earlier that day a little more calmly. Meeting both Prince Estian and Sir Ethan was unexpected. They were normally people who I’ve only heard names of until recently.
But I can’t believe I got angry at them…..
I placed the back of my hand on top of my forehead and pressed my throbbing head.
I’m so exhausted.
So many things have happened. I attended a banquet I didn’t want to go to, almost became a laughingstock, was saved by the two, and bared my teeth to Oledin in the end. I gave out a hollow laugh.
“What’s so special about this, anyway?”
I lowered my hand and touched the cloth on my cheek. Ethan’s face slowly came to mind. The conversation with him continued to run in my mind.
What’s going to happen in the future?
I turned my body around and completely buried my head in my pillow and closed my eyes.
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